4.14.2018

Come Back to the Water


I've been staring at the edge of the water
Long as I can remember, never really knowing why
I wish I could be the perfect daughter
But I come back to the water, no matter how hard I try


For so long I tried to fit into the expectations of female that were laid upon me. I tried to be a good daughter.

Every turn I take, every trail I track
Every path I make, every road leads back
To the place I know where I cannot go
Where I long to be


The expectations assigned to me at birth kept me from where I long to be. And I can't escape the call of freedom.

See the line where the sky meets the sea? It calls me
And no one knows, how far it goes
If the wind in my sail on the sea stays behind me
One day I'll know
If I go there's just no telling how far I'll go


Gender is a complicated path. But it is a necessary path to self. I'll go far to find my truth that's calling me.

I know everybody on this island seems so happy, on this island
Everything is by design
I know everybody on this island has a role, on this island
So maybe I can roll with mine


I came from the island. It's all I've ever known. God made male and female, and nothing in between. Gender roles are black and white to the people on the island. They all accept their place, so maybe I should accept mine.

I can lead with pride, I can make us strong
I'll be satisfied if I play along
But the voice inside sings a different song
What is wrong with me?


They tell me how I'm supposed to be. They tell me satisfaction will come with faith and obedience. I'm not so sure. Experience tells me differently.

See the light as it shines on the sea? It's blinding
But no one knows, how deep it goes
And it seems like it's calling out to me, so come find me
And let me know
What's beyond that line, will I cross that line?


Tomorrow is not guaranteed. Nothing about the path is guaranteed to go as planned.

See the line where the sky meets the sea? It calls me
And no one knows, how far it goes
If the wind in my sail on the sea stays behind me
One day I'll know
How far I'll go


I'm coming back to the water. 

I have often dreamed of a far off place
Where a hero's welcome would be waiting for me
Where the crowds would cheer, when they see my face
And a voice keeps saying this is where I'm meant to be


Everyone wants to be accepted and celebrated.

I'll be there someday, I can go the distance
I will find my way if I can be strong
I know every mile would be worth my while
When I go the distance, I'll be right where I belong
 

Non-binary is hard. But truth is worth it. 

Down an unknown road to embrace my fate
Though that road may wander, it will lead me to you
And a thousand years would be worth the wait
It might take a lifetime but somehow I'll see it through

Transgender is not just a transition, but a journey.

And I won't look back, I can go the distance
And I'll stay on track, no I won't accept defeat
It's an uphill slope
But I won't loose hope, 'till I go the distance
And my journey is complete, oh yeah 

Truth is calling.

But to look beyond the glory is the hardest part
For a hero's strength is measured by his heart, oh

Like a shooting star, I will go the distance
I will search the world, I will face its harms
I don't care how far, I can go the distance
'Till I find my hero's welcome waiting in your arms



 I will search the world, I will face its harms
'Till I find my hero's welcome waiting in your arms


A psychiatrist told me that I needed thick skin to be transmasculine. Rejection is so hard to face. But I will find my truth, in the water.








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